After the grandkids, a now a little while ago

Friday, February 05, 2016
5:01 PM

“Grandpa, can we watch the new Star Wars?”, Gabe, age 3, inquires with all confidence that Grandpa’s TV can play any movie, anytime (at least it can play any movie Gabe wants to see, of this he has no doubt).
“It’s THE FORCE AWAKENS!”, announces Daniel, age 6. Just to verify my understanding, he adds, “Episode 7.”

Ya’ll see the date, right, 2-5-2016. Today was probably the day that the world gross for Episode 7 claimed the one thousandth fold of the initial 200 million dollar budget projected by the franchise’s new owners. So what, right?
My grandsons expect Grandpa to have no fear of the Darkside. They know Grandpa is no ordinary grand parent.
“Google, are you there? It’s me, the anonymous, extraordinary Grandpa, but keep that to yourself, okay?
“Is… you know I hate to ask… but…I’m feelin’ lucky (in a Dirty Harry kinda way).”
AND- Would you believe it?
Right there on the old led projector is the Theatrical poster for STAR WARS: THE FORCE AWAKENS! Along with a pop-up that declares I am not authorized to view this movie without proper credentials.
“Sure, what do you need?”, thinks Extraordinary Grandpa (hence, E.G.).

Uh? Did you just hear …
like James Earl Jones chuckle, sort of darkly?

Nah! My imagination. That was Ed Harris.
I think he sort of coughed, “Build it, He’ll come.”

“YEA! Grandpa did it! Look, Grandma! Grandpa did it! “, two cherubic voices shout in unison.
[The Form] Standard fare, fair until *required field Credit Card number. Also required are zip and those three security numbers from the back of the card. ALERT! SCAM! ESCAPE!

BUT, But, but… they say right there that they will not charge your card ever until you forget to cancel your free trial and they tap the card for the membership paid in advance for ten years at the low, low price of $9.99 per month.

“I had better read the fine print,” mutters E.G.
“Ah, here’s a bit.
“All of the free movies found on this website are hosted on third-party servers that are freely available to watch online for all internet users. Any legal issues regarding the free online movies on this website should be taken up with the actual file hosts themselves, as we’re not affiliated with them. [From ]”.

“Scroll down, Grandpa”, pipes 4.8 year-old first among Granddaughters, who has scorned Episode 7 while opting to use E.G.’s iPad to watch animated pandas and Barbies having tea on YouTube pages known only to ‘tweener fan girls and precocious 4.8 year-olds.

Of course, E.G scrolls down. Hm, what do you call those screens where movies start playing and you have to remember to switch to full screen and then tell some stupid popup yes, allow myself to make the decision I just made? Yes! allow FULL SCREEN!

Cherubic-boy voices, slightly off-key, but loud,
“Duuh Duuh da da da Duuh Duuh da da da Duuh Duuh dun-dun-dun-duuuuh…”

There it is! The retro Title sequence, the theme my grandsons are duuhing blasting from the Dolby surround-sound virtual theater widget-thingy, the intro text rolling into infinity…

en Español!…

“Rey is gonna find Old Luke Skywalker, Grandpa. He’s as old as you”, declares Daniel.
“And, and, and Rey is a good munimally falcon flier and Finn is a good manimally falcon gun shooter!” offers Gabe.
“Wait, wait, wait”, says E.G. as he surreptiously fingers the tv remote mute button. “How do you guys know all this? Did you see this movie with your Dad?”

“No!”, protests Gabe.
“I just know stuff”, admits Daniel, as if E.G. should certainly already be aware that his Grandchildren are “tuned” to all events in the Force, awake or not. “I have the Colorbook.”

A beam of purist light-saber reflection glints from E.G’s moist left eye. From the mouths of babes, an escape clause, A New Hope.

“We should skip this now, then,” explains E.G. “You guys need to see when me and Luke Skywalker were young and beautiful. Lets watch Episode 4.”